i feel like i should cite chinua achebe

i’m worried about chi... she hasn’t called, she hasn’t blogged... where is she? oh... wait... i guess i could call her...

i’m also worried about kiki... i haven’t spoken to her in a while... and i know she has a tendency to get grossly drunk every day... she’s been heavy on my heart lately, and so i called her yesterday... left a message on her voicemail to let her know i loved her...

anyways... proof of my sobriety... i spoke to him and didn’t get all giggly... it’s good to be in my right mind....... to some extent... i’m still crazy y’all...

i’ve realized:

it’s hard to find a balance between becoming complacent and not getting stressed out by thinking of all the things you:
have to do
have forgotten to do
messed up when you did it

i’m trying to find that balance now... God help me...

my theory: when things fall apart, it’s either because God didn’t mean for you to participate in this thing, or because God is setting you up to work a miracle...

you can always tell the difference because He won’t go, ‘i’m pleased with my child who always obeys Me... I’m going to tell her/him to do this thing and then i’m going to let them fail... and then i’m going to leave everything in a horrible mess...’

He will however go, ‘hmmm... although my child loves Me, he/she has their mind set on this thing that I TOLD him/her to abandon... so because I love him/her, I’m not going to let him/her get away with it... and let this thing fall apart...’

He will also go, ‘hmmm... although my child loves Me, she limits what she thinks I can do... she could use some more faith so I’m going to tell her to do something... make things fall apart, and in the end when she call on Me, I’m going to make things turn out better than they would have before...’

the last one’s my personal favorite...

well, i skipped choir3 last night... i think i’ve had enough of them for now... (not the people- i love the people)... but my spirit isn’t at peace when i’m there... in other words... God doesn’t want me to be there right now... so i’ll obey before things fall apart...