thus ends the longest-lived short-lived crush

i’ve been gone a little bit... i’m a little bit hurt right now... God answered me and showed me that i would have to compromise the standards that He’s given me in order to be with mil... i won’t do it... God help me, i still like him though...

i think it will fade after a little while... usually when God answers me my feelings fade immediately, but this case is a little different... He’s chosen to test my devotion to His ways over my devotion to my own desires... as much as it may hurt... i choose His way...

see... mil is ‘playing the field’... and i am no blade of grass to be trampled on... i’m the precious flower on the side that attracts the players that are mature enough to leave the field in search for the one special treasure... wow... that was all ‘lets-watch-oprah-and-drink-foreign-fancy-coffee-over-girl-talk-ish’ oh well... IT’S STILL TRUE!

plus... there’s this weird relationship with his ex-girl, mo, that i’m not trying to step in between... ‘that’s my baby’, he said of her... ‘but she doesn’t make me feel that way’... what does that mean?!

i’m trying to figure if it’s like a ‘chi and jam’ sort of thing, where chi is mil and jam is mo... it could be... and that would be fine, if they hadn’t been together before... see, i don’t know if there are feelings for her that mil won’t admit to cuz he’s just not ready to settle down yet or not... or if he really doesn’t feel that way about her... i mean, that’s possible... but it’s still too complicated for me... plus, i love mo... and i wouldn’t want to hurt her either...

it doesn’t matter anyway, cuz God has a way of keeping the men who aren’t for me from talking to me... even the ones who are supposedly in love with me and propose to me fairly regularly, don’t talk to me... hmmm... i was just complaining about that earlier today, but now i remember why that is... i asked God to do that! ha!

my girl bb, ‘the prophetess’ i call her... cuz she has such divine insight into the will of God, and can often predict certain things... according to His will of course... told me that she really thinks he’s the one... hahahahaha... i don’t know, bb... maybe you should consult God again...

oh well... my heart is sufficiently healed tho... besides... chi has assured me that mil is crazy... my dear chi! you always know just what to say!