i know what i keep saying... but.....

me and my girl, kin, went out to the hang out spot (the giant) last night... i helped her remove her braids and we ended up going out for some caffeine afterwards...

while i was in her car, she caught me... she knew something was wrong... she made me tell her by skillfully dodging all of my skillfully honed avoidance techniques...

‘what’s wrong?’
‘nothing’
‘no... what’s wrong?’
‘what isn’t wrong?’
‘no... that’s not gonna work either... what’s wrong?’
‘there’s just so much... i don’t know where to start’
‘just pick something... what’s wrong?’

and i told her... everything... academic, financial, spiritual... and she told me everything too... but after all that i go... ‘and girl... i have this crush... and it’s the first time in life that it refuses to go away! and i hate it!’ i asked, ‘guess who it is...’

she paused a second and suddenly begins snapping her fingers and screaming, ‘oh! oh! oh! i know! what’s his name?! oh! ...the piano!’

i was like, dag! how’d she know? Lord, Jesus...

she said she knew from the first rehearsal... me and mil were there first and she walked in and goes, ‘are y’all related?’

i remember that too, cuz in my mind i was going, ‘WHAT?! NAWWWWWW! RELATED?! NAWWWW? WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? NAW WE AIN’T NO RELATED!! PLEASE!!! REALLY? YOU THINK WE’RE RELATED? WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU THINK WE WERE RELATED?! WHY?! WHA... W... BUT... I’M SAYIN THO... RELATED? NAWWWWWW!!!’

and i guess it showed on my face cuz she said she noticed something about how i responded, ‘no’...

in my mind i know that this crush is dumb because i don’t even know him all that well... in my soul i know what God requires... but in my heart i choose to imagine that if i like him enough, it’s a sign that he’s right for me... but that’s so stupid! i mean really, what the heck happened to me? i’m usually so not a slave to emotions... not romantic ones anyway... what is the world coming to?

anyway... i know what God has for me is for me and that i need not compromise for anything or anyone... hopefully being separated from him will return me back to my normal state of mind... may i never revisit this place again... amen.