just to get by...

so my man is performing at my school tomorrow... and i won’t be there...

i won’t be ‘waitin for the dj to let your body rock’ cuz i’ll be doing something else...

‘WHAT ON EARTH would you be doing besides going to support your LOVE, talib kweli?’ you might ask...

studying, working, praying for mercy... maybe going home to see my momma who had surgery last thursday... we’ll see...

i’ve been missing out on a lot lately... i guess i’m just used to it by now...


so i’m thinking about skipping gospel choir rehearsal today... i skipped the last one too... i’ve realized that when i’m upset, it really really affects others...

apparently i put them in dark places...

i don’t want to do that... i don’t think it’s fair for other people to become miserable just because i am... and so i put on my happy mask and laugh and smile a lot (which usually isn’t hard for me)... despite the fact that i feel like if i had a gun and a bullet...... well... let’s leave it at that...

usually that works for the most part... some folks can still tell something is wrong, but at least i don’t send them to their unhappy zone to be miserable with me... but since i’ve become more emotional (why? must be the hormones they put in everything)... it’s become harder and harder to find the mask and then keep it on... so i think it’s easier just to avoid people period...


anyways... animal lab was interesting last week... we spent most of the time sitting around and chillin’... my lab partner and i had some pretty interesting conversations... over fresh warm cups of urine... no, that’s not a typo... we spent the whole time pissing in cups and bringing it back to lab... imagine:

‘wow... really? you’re from where? and you speak how many languages? oh yeah, that school is excellent, but really slow? wow... i live right around the corner from... oh wait... i gotta go pee!’

crazy.