i get bored

i’m particularly bored right now... i’m not quite sure what that’s about...


oh yeah... probably the fact that i have nothing to do.....

what’s so especially remarkable about that comment, is that the reason i have nothing to do, is because i’ve done everything... my school work is caught up... my extracurricular work is caught up... i have left to do...

since when do i do my work?

hmmm... must be the spinach

so so sad

you know... i was just thinking how much i missed rooming with chi...

late night conversations about an endless stream of drama...
late night im-ing with all the objects of her affection...
late night dance parties in the hallway to huckabucks or junkyard band...
late night with conan obrien...

it was all wonderful...

what brought on all this nostalgia? i don't know... i mean, i love my current roomie; she's great... but she's never home when i'm home... and when she is, she's in her room... i need someone to hang with... just another body in my presence...

oh well... *sigh*

i spoke with jk the other night... about... (what else?) music... he's insanely brilliant on the keys... i'm so sure that i've said this before... because he's insanely brilliant on the keys...

i was thinking about why i've never heard of him having a girl before... he's really really sweet... sometimes girls think they don't like that, but they really do... i mean, if i were to be totally honest, he is sort of a dork... but he's a sexy dork... a sexy dork who's brilliant on the keys... girls should be all over him! shoot, guys should be all over him! either he's missing the signals or it's something else...

i'm a fairly observant person and can usually tell what's going on with folks by watching them... i've observed him around girls and there's always this weird uncomfortable vibe... i can't pinpoint quite what it is, but it's always there... sad really, cuz he's such a cool kid... when he's chill... you know... just being himself... plus... he's sexy...

so so sad...

so i just came from the chair of the music department... originally i was going to propose an alternate set of courses with a project in order to finish out the music minor in a year... but then i decided just to stick with afam...

so here’s what happened:

chair: so what’s your situation?

me: i want to minor in music, but i’d have to finish it in a year...

chair: what are your plans?

me: i’m trying to go to seminary for music, but i need some basic foundation cuz i’ve never had formal classes in theory...

chair: do you have the list of minor requirements on you?

me: yup

chair: what have you taken?

me: ensemble, this music history course, no theory...

(she mulls over the requirements for a few seconds)
chair: how ‘bout you do this? and take this one... and this one would be good for what you’re trying to do... there you go...

me: i’ve noticed you’ve neglected about half of the usual requirements for music minors

chair: yeah...

me: is that okay?

chair: what are talking about?! i’m the frickin chair! now let’s go make this happen...

can i just say that she’s the best person in the world...

so pending action to make this happen includes setting up lessons with a professor for this and next semester and attempting to get into another class for this semester which will potentially be difficult since the last day to add was wednesday...

oh well... i asked God to open and close doors and apparently that’s what He’s doing... if it’s meant to be, it will be... if not then it won’t... and i’ll accept it either way... that’s faith...

now i just have to trust that faith will pay my tuition... because i definitely haven’t paid it yet... but i'm sure it'll work out...

but really tho? whas goin on?

i’ve been sort of mulling about what God’s plans could possibly be for me in the midst of my many many mistakes and screw ups... i mean... how's He really gonna fix this? i ask Him every morning to close doors to paths that i shouldn’t take, and open doors to where i should be... and every day he closes another door... closes them until all options that i’ve thought of are shut off...

i just came from the office of the head of my department... an exception can’t be made for me... because i failed my core class... that’s the one that i must must take in order to get a degree... then i must must be here next semester...

the questions...

1. should i withdraw from this semester and just finish up next semester? that way i could get a job and make some money to pay for all my books and tuition... oh yes... tuition was definitely due on the 5th and i definitely have not paid a cent...

2. should i look to minor in something else? there’s nothing else i could minor in that wouldn’t take me more than 2 semesters... so i’m not sure that makes sense...

3. should i go part time each semester? it would be expensive with all the extra fees, but it would leave me more free time to work to pay off my bills...

i don’t know what to do!!! this stinks!!! but all i keep thinking is... there’s a reason for all this... no actually, that’s only about 3% of my brain... the rest is going, ‘this stinks!!!’

oh well... one thing i do know... life is so much more than my problems... there are people in this world enduring much much worse... if i had lost everything that i owned in a flood, or couldn’t find any of my loved ones, would i even be thinking about school?

point is... God is bigger than all i’m dealing with... more than that... He’s faithful and will work it all out...

but still, chi... what do you think i should do?

okay okay okay... maybe I’m making a big deal out of this... but...

TELL ME WHY when i was walking back to my car from my last class the other day, i started hearing this dude behind me start cursing like a mug... *he wasn’t cursing at me or anything, it just caught my attention... * so anyway, i was looking in front of me and there was a group of asians consisting of a chick and two yo-boys... so like... as i walked past them the asian dude that was cursing behind me says to them, he says... ‘what the *expletive* is up?! what y’all niggaz about to do?’

!!!?WHAT?!!!

so i felt my legs suddenly begin slowing to a halt... which was weird because i didn’t tell them to do that... and then pause briefly and then keep walking...

i assumed that this was my legs giving my brain and my tongue the opportunity to consider the various ways of how to handle this situation...

see... I’m not one of those people that’s all too fond of when Black folks call other Black folks ‘niggaz’... so you can imagine how i felt about this...

although i don’t necessarily agree with it... i can completely understand Black folks owning the horribly derogatory term in order to make it less potent in the mouths of those who would attempt to dehuminize them... but tell me... what concerning that term does a preppy asian Black-boy-wanna-be have to own?!

so in these few seconds i decided to turn around, walk up to them and ask, ‘what did you just say?!’

sike naw, i didn’t do that... but i knew i could’ve gotten away with it since it’s a known fact that yo-boys of any color are afraid of Black women with swervy necks... but i decided against it anyway since i wasn’t sure that i would be able to contain my urge to curse them out... *which RARELY happens... but you wouldn’t wanna be there for it*...

so no... i just walked to my car... i mean... am i over exaggerating? i don’t think so... and for those of you who think i am... well all y’all niggaz can............ jes playing *wink wink*

i could've graduated twice by now!

so this is the deal... i should have one more semester of classes left before i can graduate... that would make it... ummm... 6 and a half years to complete undergrad...

surprisingly, i know like 9 other people whose undergrad careers took that long or longer! and what makes that so amazing is that i’m actually not exaggerating.

in any case, i could graduate, if it weren’t for that one class... it’s a core requirement for my minor, and the guy who usually teaches it is on SABBATICAL! who told you that you could go away when i was so close to graduating!? huh?! not me!!!

oh well... since i really don’t want to stay in this pit for any longer, i’m meeting with the head of the department today... hopefully... i left a note in his mailbox...

as long as while he’s pulling out all his other important mail, the note that i left on a piece of scrap paper that looks like the bits they leave in libraries for you to write call numbers on... as long as that doesn’t tumble to the ground and get stuck to the bottom of somebody’s shoe and through a wonderfully whimsical series of events, end up in china or in a chijuajua? chihuahua? chi-wa-wa? how the heck do you spell that? oh well... in a 'dog-rat’s' belly... then prayerfully i’ll be fine...

i’m especially encouraged today however, because i just realized that people really love me... like they REALLY do... my friend, chris, called me this morning just to tell me that i really encourage and inspire her... i was all like, ‘AWWWWWWW’... and she was all like, ‘it’s true!’... and i was all like,’i know!!!’ ... i have the best friends in the world.

now if i can just get one of those people that love me to be a tall sexy God-fearing man... then i’ll be good to go!

ferrous sulfate

i need to quit it with these disappearing acts... it’s getting ridiculous...

so i’m back at school... in a completely different new mindset...

did i mention that the past 5 years of my school life was horribly tainted, not by a restlessness due to unfulfilled passions, but a horribly severe nutritional deficiency...

like... my mind wasn’t constantly wandering because my desires lied elsewhere than biology study...

and my limbs started working at ¼ it’s normal force, not because of emotional strain and depression...

and my head didn’t feel like someone was continuously beating me in the face with a 2 x 4, because of the deep thought that went into discovering what i truly wanted from life...

my nails weren’t caving in from stress...

i wasn’t always tired because, for whatever reason, 13 -14 hours of sleep was no longer enough...

it was all a dumb anemia... i should’ve known something was up when standing up became a task that took my breath away as if i’d run a marathon... but whatever... i know now... i’m taking my nutritional supplements and it’s made all the difference in the world...

so i’m in introductory chem lab for the 3rd time... and for the 2nd time in a row, i got some young buck African boy trying to chat me up... oh how i prayed he wouldn’t be my partner, cuz i didn’t wanna deal with that the whole semester... and my wonderful TA came thru again and sent him across the room to partner with some other dude...

and i also found out they eliminated lab reports this time around! before we had to do a pre-writeup AND a post-writeup... so every week we’d be turning in two different reports... well... all the other students would... i didn’t do jack... but this time that’s okay! life is sooooo looking up... and so's my red blood cell count...