real

God invested so much in me... gifts, talents, knowledge, life... eventually, He’s gonna make a demand on His investment...

i actually wake up in the morning and say to myself... ‘if i don’t pray and study, then i’m gonna have trouble today...’

then i make the conscious decision that i’ll take the days’ trouble because i don’t feel like praying... because sponge bob square pants or xena, warrior princess is on already, and i really wanna see what happens with squidbert and ares... *you know you watch them too*

that’s not okay...

what i really want... what i really really desire is a real relationship with God... i want to want Him, not because I’m in trouble... not because i want to feel holy... but because i love Him...

i don’t want to force myself beyond what i feel like doing because i don’t want trouble, but because i really love God and so i want to talk with Him and learn Him more...

strip away the consequences of disobedience... strip away the recognition gained from pious action... i want to crave Him for love only.