what happens when passion wanes?

what happens when your passion wanes?

i keep wondering... am i really ready for seminary? i have this pedestal view of seminary students... one where all i can really see is the tips of the bottoms of their shoes and the contents of their noses... not that i expect them to be stuck up, but i automatically expect them to be perfect... so when i think about how i’ll soon be one of them, it frightens me... because i’m not perfect... because i’m so helplessly flawed.....

then i remember... we’re all people... nobody’s perfect... not even them... pastors aren’t perfect... we expect them to be, which is why we die when we hear one of em cursin in the parkin lot or talkin bout baby mama drama... whatever... nobody’s really right...

shoot... i’ve had a bible study with my friends (one of whom was goin to seminary as well) that was so insanely enlightening and spirit-filling... and once it was over and all the ‘geeks’ left, they pulled out the liquor... (they made me kool-aid since i don’t drink)... and i remember thinking, ‘is this okay?’

but why not? none of us were underage and drinking isn’t sin... it’s just that it doesn’t fit into my image of a seminary student... you know... one who reads the bible all day and never drinks or eats anything fattening... they wear preppy sweaters and collar shirts (that’s the style now, though), but they wear them with long skirts or corduroy slacks... they never curse, never think wayward thoughts, never wanna be outside of God’s presence...

what then? i curse... i think plenty wayward thoughts... sometimes i straight up avoid praying cuz i’m tryin to watch family guy on cartoon network! am i ready? am i ready? am i ready?

but seminary is not the destination... heaven is... nobody’s perfect... not even there... so i don’t have to be...