chosen

there was choir rehearsal last night... it was cool... the choir’s sound was beautiful actually... i was in the rehearsal room, but had to leave to get water... but after i left, i couldn’t go back in... i couldn’t look at anyone in their faces when i was in there before... i just kept staring at my fingers while i braided the fringed ends of my scarf..... so i just sat outside the room instead... i listened to the parts and learned the music and the words while i was out there... i also prayed... ‘why couldn’t i look in their faces?’ you might be wondering... well, i’m wondering too... no, actually it’s just because i feel so inadequate right now... powerless to help all the people around me... too irresponsible to keep my own schedule straight, too complacent to keep my academics up to par... too ‘not good enough’ to do what i desire to do... i wonder if i’m pleasing God and feel shame that i’m probably not, even though i’m trying so hard... i could be so much better...

i remembered the scripture 1 corinthians 1:27-29 for times just like this, and through my tears i recited ‘God has chosen the foolish things of this world to confound the wise and the weak things of this world to put to shame the things that are mighty... and the base thing of this world and the things which are despised, God has chosen... and the things which are not to bring to nothing the things that are... that NO flesh should glory in His presence...

if there is anyone foolish, weak, and base, it’s me... and so He’s chosen me...